things i liked about twilight: breaking dawn

Tuesday, February 21, 2012

things i liked about twilight: breaking dawn

1.it is all about body fluids

2. i like the part about the werewolf imprinting on the human/vampire baby, that seems pretty queer/donna haraway-ish, and how the werewolves and the vampires have made their own families of affinity

3. basically it is a giant allegory about why privileging heterosexual intercourse (and the legal/religious institution that is supposed to permit it) its a really bad idea

4. how the vampire would like zoom around, i wish i could do that

5. the whole thing is set in the most beautiful woods in this fancy weird house but there is this girl with a fucking monster baby writhing inside her, her husband is actually like a hundred years old and as soon as he bites her which is sexy but not the sex itself she will stay 17 forever. (wouldn’t she want to wait a few years so that if they’re spending eternity together one of them could buy beer?) but the baby is eating her up. it’s so necropastoral , i mean, right?

6. the weirdly domestic scene of all the vampires and the one werewolf all sitting around watching football with bella and even though edward can read jacob’s mind about how he’s in love with bella they are all just are there together, waiting to see if she’s going to die i guess.

7. i’m really glad i didn’t marry the person i was with when i was seventeen and was like totally in love and she gave me a ring on the beach and hey guys i just told you like my biggest secret which is that i wore an engagement ring for like most of my first year of college cause i thought i was gonna get gay married

8. come on, she drinks a blood transfusion with a straw, out of a styrofoam cup.